Text: SHELTER to 313131
1.800.NO ABORT (662.2678)
"Saved" Baby Theresa
(born in 2009)
Often young women who are pregnant and in High School worry about how they will ever graduate. Nalesha and proof that it can be done. When her family found out she was pregnant, she was told to leave. She found us on the Internet and the next thing you know she was living at our shelter in NJ, enrolled in school and the student who never got a grade higher than a C and was always skipping classes was getting straight A's. Now she has a beautiful daughter (Theresa), is in college in Manhattan and living back home with her very proud parents.
One of the greatest problems a young woman faces, when she first thinks she maybe pregnant is, "How to tell her parents." We provide guidance and ideas based on the actual experiences of the young women who have lived in our shelters. These letters are composed by the mothers with heartfelt compassion and dignity. We know you will be inspired by their openness and courage.
If you are thinking of getting an abortion, please play through "GotGame2" BEFORE you make what could be the worst choice of your life. Take the next hour before you make an appointment to destoy the life of your preborn child. We promise you will never regret playing this game but you could greatly regret aborting your child. We sincerely hope you will play "GotGame2."
One of the most common problems we at Several Sources hear about an unplanned pregnancy is, "How do I tell my parents? I'm afraid they will kill me!"
We have asked some of the mothers who have lived at our shelters to explain how they told their parents or loved ones and this section includes some of their letters.
I would like to add a few of my own ideas and suggestions based on 16 years of helping young women who were scared, confused and so very much afraid to have such a difficult conversation with their mothers or fathers or boyfriend or even their very own husbands.
First, know that everyone gets mad from time to time and as the saying goes, "Time heals all wounds." But people need time to think, to talk to other friends and loved ones, to ask for guidance, to examine themselves and the situation....to rethink...maybe even stay mad for a while...and then hopefully calm down and learn to accept the situation.
Now, I am sure you are saying, "MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER ACCEPT ME BEING PREGNANT AND NOT MARRIED!!!" I have counseled hundreds of women and in each and every case, in time the parents came to accepting the situation. In the most difficult of situations...a bi-racial baby, a second out of wedlock baby....a mother of only 13 or 14 years old....even in these tough cases, the parents eventually were reunited with their daughters.
With time, patience, kindness, and understanding on the part of the pregnant woman towards her parents....with knowledge and information.... eventually each and every parent learned to accept the pregnancy...and the baby. Sometimes it took longer than other times. Sometimes it took until after the baby was born but more often than you would believe, the parents accepted the daughter and began to show their love a lot quicker than their daughters would ever believe. We have a ritual around the shelters, whenever a new girl comes to stay. She is usually upset and concern about her parents accepting her back home and the girls who have been already living at the shelter will all say the very same thing, "Oh don't worry. Your parents will come around. THEY ALL DO!!!"
We at Several Sources are here to help you. And God is ready to help, too. Be sure to pray and ask Him for guidance and strength and the words to say to your loved ones. You would be surprised to see how quickly God gives you guidance especially when you want to do the right thing in His Eyes. Jesus said before He went back to Heaven that He would not leave us orphans and that He would send the Holy Spirit to us to comfort us. So don't forget to PRAY...PRAY...PRAY!!!
You might want to select a counselor, a priest, a pastor, a religious person to be with you when you tell your parents. Think of an adult that you trust, love and respect. Maybe an aunt or one of your mother's friends, someone who would be willing to help you and be there with you when you tell your parents. Maybe it would be best to have this special person tell your loved ones first and then you could meet with them all together. Maybe you just can't find the courage to speak, but you can write a letter and hand it to them when your special friend is willing to be with you and your parents.
When you are speaking to your Mother and Father, if you don't know what to say....just quietly say to God, "Please help me say something." And I promise you, He will inspire you to say something that will help the situation in a positive way. Let your parents know you love them and that you are very sorry that you might be hurting them. They may shout and not appear to be listening, but I promise you they are hearing every word. Remember this is a shock and it will take time and patience and God's grace to help your family to understand your situation. Always remember that God is there right beside you inspiring and helping you.
Print out the materials in this website and have them available to help explain what others have experienced in similar situations. These materials most especially the Development of the Preborn Child in the Womb will help to inform and educate your parents. Even if they know all that is in this website, sharing the information with them will show them that you have been thinking and planning just what to say and do.
Tell them that you know your baby has a body and a soul and that abortion would be breaking God's Commandment, "Thou Shalt Not Kill." Your baby has a soul given to the child at the moment of conception and you do not want to be responsible for sending that soul back to God before the soul fulfills God's Plans for it. Tell your loved ones that you have found some people who want to help you. Before the meeting you could call the national hotline numbers we provide in the website and get more support and ideas.
All of us at Several Sources are praying and working to help you choose life for your preborn child. Please let us help you in your journey through motherhood. Know that our Heavenly Father will guide you. All you have to do is ask it of Him.
Some Letters From Our Mothers On How They Told Their Parents They Were Pregnant
When I think back now, to the day when my parents found out I was pregnant, it still brings back all the scared, hurt and mixed feelings that you are probably feeling right now. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to face.
I found out right before Christmastime, the time when all our family really gets together and I knew my news would just ruin everyone's Holidays. So I waited until the right time. Then again ....if I waited until the right time, my baby would probably be five years old before I told them. Anyway, I kinda took the easy way out. I didn't actually come out and tell them. I played sick a lot, actually I was getting morning sickness for a while and throwing up. I had no fever, so after awhile my mom started to wonder what was really wrong. One day she finally asked about my period and if I could possibly be pregnant. I still couldn't tell her, so I played dumb, like I didn't know. She brought me a pregnancy test the next day. I took it already knowing the results, with her waiting in the next room and told her to check the results for me.
Once my Dad found out, which I was not present for, because I still could not face up to it...it was very hard. There was a lot of fighting and yelling. A LOT!!! They kept pushing me to go to the clinic to get an abortion and told me If I didn't get it, I would have to leave. So I called Kathy, set up an interview, and moved in soon after. After a few weeks went by (I think it's once they knew I wasn't gonna change my mind) they started calling to see how I was and eventually even started letting me go home on weekends to visit.
I think one of the biggest reasons why its so hard to tell your parents is because you don't want them to be disappointed in you but let me tell you something from experience...if you show them you are serious about having your baby and are ready to take on the responsibilities, no matter what anyone else thinks, when they look at your baby and know that you were the one who cared enough to bring it life, they will be the proudest parents and grandparents ever. Be strong and no matter how hard it gets, always remember ..... With God as your Strength, there is nothing you can't overcome ....
I think telling one's parents that they are pregnant is very hard and scary, because of the expectations a parent may have of their "child" and also the fact that one does not know how the parents will react. When I was fifteen and pregnant, I was terrified of telling my mom, so I asked my best friend's mother to call her and tell her that I had something to tell her but was afraid to. This made my mom listen without judging me. If the mother to be has a close friend that she trusts, a clergy person or anyone that is not directly involved emotionally person could act as an advocate and this way it may reduce some of the pressure and create a more relaxed atmosphere for both parent and child.
If there is good communication between the girl and her parents then it maybe just a matter of timing and choosing the right words. I truly feel that parents would rather hear this kind of news from their child even though it maybe shocking. If there is not a good relationship or communication level between them, this maybe a good time to start one.
The young woman should sit her parents down and tell them how she feels, showing the parents that she has thought about the situation and has made a decision and is ready and willing to take the responsibility of having her baby and would like and also needs their support.
If the young mother to be is not willing to do these things, then putting her feelings in a letter to her parents is a good way of letting them know too.
Good luck and know that everything will be OK once your baby is born.
Let me tell you about the time, when I was so afraid to tell my mother that I was pregnant. Its really doesn't matter what your age is. I was 19 at the time. I was so afraid. I was thinking that my mother would be so upset when I found out that I was pregnant. It took me three months to tell her. I felt that my mother would put me out, and would make me abort the unborn fetus. But remember if your mother or parents love you they will understand. But believe me....it was very frightening!
But you can't hide it forever.
Well, anyway, I finally got the courage to tell her. I said, "Ma, I have something to tell you." She looked at me and I looked at her. Then I just said, "Ma, I'm pregnant." Then I walked out of the room. And the tears just started to come out of her eyes. I knew it would hurt.
After I went to the house of one of her girlfriends. I stayed at her house for about four days. So that my mother could get her mind together. So after a few days, she told me to come back home. She came through and she was there for me. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
But remember if you are 25 years old. Its just as frightening to tell your husband that you are pregnant again. Its the same as having to tell your parents. It will be very hard at first, but sooner or later they will see the light. It will take some time ....
"But just have faith!"
I am 25 now with a beautiful 1 year old son. When I first learned that I was pregnant at 24, no boyfriend or family support, my world seemed to be caving in around me. I also was scared to tell my mom, so I decided not to tell her at all.
After she became aware of my pregnancy, she told me about how no one would help me and that I couldn't do it alone. Basically at this point she had me almost convinced that I couldn't do it.
My son was born on October 20, 1992. That day was the day I realized I made the right choice in having and keeping "Karrick."
My mom first saw her 1st grandchild at about 2 months old. She still remained not too happy about the whole situation.
In May 1993 I moved home to live with my mom. It wasn't easy at first, but it gets easier with time. My mom came around and now she and my son are inseparable. I never thought that a complete turnaround was possible. But know I am proof positive its not as hard or bad as I had thought it would be.
My name is Angela and I am 15 years old. When I first found out that I was pregnant I was a month into my pregnancy already. Before I found out, I was pregnant, I was taking a lot of home pregnancy tests, anyhow, I have a 18 year old sister whom I am very close to.
So I went to her right away, after telling my boyfriend. And she helped me out a lot. My parents are divorced and my father lives right near by in the town next to us. To tell you the truth in the beginning I was thinking about aborting my baby, but it took me 2 months to change my mind, because by the 3rd month, my mother started to see me getting morning sickness. And my mother was always asking if I was OK. And I was telling her yes, because I was scared to tell her myself.
A couple weeks later my mother started to wonder if I was pregnant, so she went to my older sister and asked her if she knew if I was pregnant and she said, "Yes, Mom, Angela is pregnant." I was sleeping when she asked my sister. Later my sister told me that Mom was crying all night and worrying about what was gonna happen. So the next morning I woke up to go to school and after I got out of the shower, she asked me to come in he room and she told me she knew the truth. I just hugged her and started to cry a lot.
She told me that whatever decision I make, she will support me through the whole thing. Two days later my mother told my father and brother for me. It took my dad a couple of days to talk to me, but when he did talk to me, he was very supportive.
After she had done telling my brother, he went for a walk to cool down and as soon as he got back, he woke me up and said all of the sweetest things to me.
So don't ever be that scared to tell your parents because all I knew was that my baby is much more worth giving a life to, then my family being upset with me for a couple of weeks, when a baby lasts a life time.
My name is Tawanda. I am 16 years old and I am now 7 months pregnant. My due date is April 16th. When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared and confused. The reason I was so sacred was because I was too young and I was confused because I didn't know how I would be able to support a child and I didn't have a job or a full high school education.
When it came down to telling my parents, I guess I was lucky because my brother's mother told my father and my sister told my mother. My father immediately suggested an abortion but I knew an abortion was not going to make things better. So I called the Several Sources hotline. If you are scared to tell your parents .... don't be going to them on your own. Show them you really want their support. And I think if they are like my parents they will give it to you.
I am a mother with a seven year old child. I had her when I was 34. This was my very first pregnancy. And I did not have a mom or dad her in the US. And even if I did, I was old enough to take care of my own responsibilities. So there was no way I would have gone to them.
But, I do understand your fears. You know why, I did have fears too. Just that it was a different kind of fear. My fears were. I did not have any family here. And I was having my first baby. I did not know how I was going to manage a baby while working. My biggest fear was she would baby sit this child for me to work. This child needs care, believe it or not I was terrified.
So girls you really are not alone....older people do have fears, when they are having their first baby.... sometimes even married couples. This is why I could understand the fears you have about telling your parents about your pregnancy. Well, we do make mistakes .... young or old.... we are not perfect. Only God is the Perfect One. I am sure your mom will understand.
My advice to you is this.
If you communicate with mom better .... then tell mom...... and she will tell dad. Or if you communicate with your dad better...then tell dad...and he will tell mom.
This is how you do it.
You go to mom or dad when she ... or he.... is alone and might be willing to talk. You could start by asking her about her self and when she was growing up. By doing so, it may help you to get to the point.
Say, "Mom, I really have something to tell you. This may make you very angry but I want you to know I did not do this to hurt you or dad."
It is better to say I did not want this to happen...then to say.... I never knew it would have happened, because you do know it would have happened, but you didn't want it to happen.
Then you say to her, "Please Mom, believe me I am hurting too. Mom, this is what I have to say to you. I am having a baby. But before you say anything to me just remember I love you and would never do this to hurt you and Dad."
Don't run away. Sit there and hear Mom out. She may say good things as well as bad. But she is your mother, so listen to what she has to say. Of course don't expect her to welcome the baby and you right away. But I am sure as time goes by Mom will come around.
Once you get this load off your chest, you will be feeling a whole lot better then you could think of the baby and you.
Girls, believe me, I know there is no easy way to say it. But you got to find away to tell them. They won't kill you or bite. Furious yes! And then again Mom or Dad might handle it well. I do hope this letter helps.
May God bless you and all the little ones.
I asked my sister to tell my parents that I was pregnant. They were so mad at me that they asked me to leave their house. I didn't have a place to stay. My sister knew about Several Sources and told me about it. She called the Hotline and asked for a Hotline Kit.... which is now what they have put on this website.....so you don't even has to call to get one.....
I read through all the materials and went for an interview.
Kathy has me stay in one of her houses because of Kathy's help. today I have a baby boy that is two months old..............and my parents......are very happy that I had my baby!!!!!!
This is how I told my Father I was pregnant ------
I was very scared to tell him. So I asked someone very close to me and my father to tell him...that was my mom. I told my mom what to say and asked my father to not yell...just listen... please. He did listen....went away... and didn't speak for awhile. But he came around.
Then I got pregnant again..... and again..... I was not married.
This time I wrote him a letter stating that I was pregnant again, when I found out and my reasoning for not telling him sooner as well as not telling him face to face. He read the letter and everything went perfect. My mom and dad understand and they love and respect both my children in spite of all we went through.
We hope these stories will help you and give you some ideas on what to say or do....if you have to tell your parents that you are pregnant. Don't forget to pray and ask God to guide and please do have someone you trust there to help you and your parents, too.
Pray and remember that God will send His Most Holy Spirit to inspire and help you through al these troubled times. Try to have a little faith in Him and know that he loves you so very much for choosing life for your preborn child. He knows what suffering is all about.
Remember how much He suffered when He was in the Garden just before His Crucifixion? Remember how hard He prayed to His Heavenly Father for help?
And when all His friends kept falling asleep, God sent Jesus Angels to minister to Him... to help Him. Pray... very hard .... and I know God will send you the strength and the wisdom to handle this pregnancy. He will send people to help you, too. Just look around you .... sometimes the person is right under our nose... and we don't even realize it until we pray to God... then He opens our eyes..
Please know YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.... God is always with you.... in a very special place... He is in your heart waiting to hear your voice in prayer to Him. He loves you so very much that He died for you and for your little preborn baby in order to open the Gates of Heaven and redeem you all of us from our sins. Your faith may be as tiny as a mustard seed which is about the size of a little dot... but Jesus said that with just faith that tiny...
"With God all things are possible." You are going to have a baby and you will have your parents support... eventually. Just reread all these letters and know that there are many more letters that we could send you. They all say similar things.
Trust in God. Email me if you need any help. Together .... you.... me.... your baby... and God.... we can get through this.... we can move this mountain!!! And a year from now when you are holding your beautiful baby, you will join the countless number of mothers who have come to me for help and say, "I am so happy I had my baby." Never.....never....never.....since 1981 when I began my years of helping mothers have I ever had ever one mother come back to me and say....that she wished she never had her baby.
But I have had too many women come back to me after deciding to have an abortion and ask me for help to heal the pain. Please trust in God ....He who made the Heavens and the earth and the angels... and all of mankind...He can help make this "little" problem in your life right now easier. Be patient...pray.... and have faith and He will help you though it all.
Your Sister in Christ Jesus,
My Email address is email@example.com